Depraved

I like to mess with bill collectors. I never had the opportunity to do that before until this economic mess came up. I owed some small money on three medical bills. When the medical conflicts with the grocery in my budget, the grocery wins because I like to eat. I delayed paying the medical until they were just on the edge of Way Overdue. By that time a couple of the medicals had turned the accounts over to a collection agency. And by this time, a week later, I have paid the bills and have my cancelled checks. So when I get a notice in the mail from one of those (ragpickers) bill collectors, I made up a little form to send back. It goes like this:

“The bill was paid in full (yes/no) on (date)

I have my cancelled check (yes/no)

If I answered Yes to both items, you need to get in touch with your client. I can see now why minimal intelligence is required for your job position. If you want to try making it in a real job, try McDonalds.”

If you don’t like smoking don’t read this next section.

The tobacco companies aren’t stupid. Now that the price of RYO cigarette tobacco has gone up to almost $40 for a 14 oz. bag, several of the companies are making pipe tobacco in a thin ribbon cut that also happens to work really well in cigarette machines. It costs about $15 a pound and is immeasurably better than much of the RYO. Lightly flavored and cheap. I’m thinking of abandoning my ready mades (which I can still afford) in favor of some of the new pipe tobacco even though it’s more inconvenient to roll the equivalent of a pack for 15 minutes a day. I particularly recommend KENTUCKY SELECT FULL FLAVOR which is flue cured Burley with a tiny dab of chocolate and fig flavoring. It’s made by an outfit in North Carolina. Now put that in your Funk & Wagnall’s and smoke it!

Supper is over, the dishes are done, I am showered and shaved and I think I am going to plunk my tutu down in front of the TV for a bit. Ta!