What keeps me from spitting nails.

And a Happy New Year to you too. We have had almost a week of cloudy days with snow or ice or other inconveniences. The winter blues are fighting with my Paxil. I ache and my head is full of snot. There is $50 left over after the bills have been paid and $140 worth of dribs and drabs of medical co-pays and misc charges to go. I want to buy a bunch of pipes from Dan in Germany and Krska in Poland but the dollar has been so totally fecked for so long that a handful of same will not buy a half envelope of Polish rat poison. A brother in another state called last Monday to let me know he has cancer and it seems serious. The rent has gone up fifty dollars and electricity is joining that bandwagon. I can't say I'm happy right now. I'm anxious a little, angry a little, jumpy a little. But I haven't been doing drive-by shootings at passing motorists. I am saving that for fly-by pigeons (rats with wings) just as soon as I can afford to buy b-b's and make their little heads fly off. Small dumb things comfort me however. I am sober today and life is much less complicated than it could be. Just ask me. Among the other cheap treasures:

Inexpensive cigars
Cheap pipes
American tobacco
A good library system with many mystery novels
The view from my living room easy chair
Cheap thrills a couple nights a week on tv
Chocolate milk
The eternal and bottomless coffee pot
Thrift shops with cheap thrills you can take home
A compulsive overeater lady friend who wants me to visit so she can fatten me

This is called a Gratitude List. It helps to have things to be grateful for. It doesn't make anything better, really, but it takes the edge off most of the time. Sometimes life just flies in and sucker punches you and you grab what you can hang onto. Tomorrow there may be no sunshine. The money will be the same until the first of next month. Or until the government gives me more incentive money for putting up with their shenanigans. Tonight I am going to have some chili-spaghetti with television for dessert and think about all this. Ta!