My Kingdom for a ......

We have had the Kentucky Derby. A trailer trash horse worth a mere nine thousand dollars, named Bird of Mine (or Mine of Bird?) won by six lengths and made the six-figure thoroughbreds pee the track in embarrassment. The actual race lasted something over a minute. The celebrations for the race lasted from the evening before with wine, bourbon, various sloshes, strange hats and dress suits and went through the race to the various sloshes and dinners in Louisville afterward. It was more fun to watch on TV, have lasagna for supper. We will hope to attend next year. If our wealth permits.

If any of you have a little dab of Scotch, or maybe a good splash of Old Night Train I have two Chinese pipes which probably are unsmokeable. But I would like to try the alcohol treatment to be sure. They appear to be made out of oak(?) or Oriental Badwood. Which is fine for whiskey barrels. I figured the price of $6 each was worth the risk, seeing as how they were made in a refrigerator factory on a bad Monday. I didn't know what they were fashioned from until I sanded the half inch of black lacquer off the outside surfaces. We will see.



There was an alien spaceship watching my friend’s house the other night. You could see it glowing and reading our thoughts when the moonlight succeeded in punching through the clouds. A day later it had blown away and was no longer a threat. Ta!

My Godson Baby Ant

Well here he is and if I call him Adam Ant one more time his mother is going to feed me hemlock in my pasta. He is ETHAN ADAM and happy for all that. He's not mine but cute enough to be! The pix get way bigger if you click on them. Ta!

THE GIRL WHO LOOKED LIKE GOERING.

I had whiting for supper and my fingers smell like fish. Soon my keyboard will smell like fish and cats will come in the lick the keyboard and leave cat germs for me to touch. Than my fingers will turn into stumps and I will spend the rest of my days playing a guitar with clothesline rope for strings. Or I will wash my hands. Again.



Oh, she’s so nice! About five-ten and three hundred pounds and has that prominent jaw like Hermann Goering. Wearing her little white (BIG white) hemdbluse with little flowers embroidered around the cuffs and collar. Wanted to know if I would go to church with her and I told her my mother would never let me go to any church with a woman I didn’t know well. I would have asked for her phone number but I keep imagining how she appears with a turkey drumstick in each hand, grease stains on the blouse and a Bible in her lap. But, by God!, her teeth shine when she grins! Achtung!

The light at the end of the…

I took my depression to the doctor a couple weeks ago and got some new medication and I seem to see several things happening:

I no longer drop into r.e.m. sleep anywhere on demand; I do go to bed a certain time each night and wake up in the morning at about the same time each day without having the terrible compulsion to go right back to sleep until noon or 1pm; I am discovering energy to clean the house on a regular basis and even keep the clutter down; when I tell my friends I’m going to visit I show up instead of being sick or sleepy; I smoke less and enjoy it more; I manage to carry laundry up and down two flights of stairs a couple times a week instead of dreaming about doing it all week. I am not any richer and all the new girlfriends are totally loopy and simply not working out. But I have mucho more peacely in the mind-o and this is the biggest reward.

It looks like the USA is starting the process of getting back into some kind of relationship with Cuba. I do so applaud those efforts. I can remember when we shut things down just before the Missile Crisis (Google it, kids!). The Cubicks are no longer planning to blow us up and presumably neither are the Russians. For years America recognized only the countries that were willing to become ‘democratic’ and now we’re realizing that possibly we can all get together and do sugar and cigars and gross national product. Hell, we’ve been doing that with China for ages – our whole middle class economy is based on the Chinese manufactures at Wal-Mart. We are doing it with the Russians and Ukrainians as we speak.

Fidel Castro is, emphatically, one of my heroes. He turned a mafia businessland into a functioning economy, developed some of the highest standards in literacy and medical care in the hemisphere, and stuck to it even without the approval of the United States and other ‘democratic’ countries. Of course political prisoners there had a hard time. Have we forgotten Waterboarding?

And Venezuela’s probably up and coming too. Chavez didn’t like George Bush and George Bush hated everybody so that was a dance made in hell. Chavez is young, dynamic, has the support of at least 50% of his population though that changes day by day up and down, and doesn’t exhibit too much megalomania. Hope springs eternal!

Now I am going to go rub oil into an Australian goat leather tobacco pouch. For the vicarious thrill. Ta!

THE APRIL DEBIT CARD

In order to be ahead of debt, the economy and the vicarious thrill that comes with shopping with a credit card, I decided last week to get a prepaid debit card from my banking institution. That way I could put money in ahead of time and the only money I could spend was what was in the account. No debt. When I got the card in the mail yesterday I spent some time reading the Fine Print on the back. Because if banks and their cards were untrustworthy before, they are even more so now, begging for money as they are.

While reading through the Fine Print I became acquainted with the price of being debt free. Under fees I found out that there were several:

$1.50 each time I withdraw (my) money from an ATM;
$2.00 monthly maintenance fee (on the account with My Money in it);
50 cents every time I add (my) money to the account;
a declined transaction fee of 50 cents;
and an Inactivity Fee. If I haven’t spent any of (my) money for three months, it’s going to cost me $3.00 a month for each month thereafter until I spend money.

There are also fees for replacing a stolen card, and for the Neighbor’s Dog.

I am going to spend the money presently in the account pretty quickly, cut the card into little pieces and take it in person back to my banking institution and ask them why they let me get this card in the first place. Then I will apply for a regular credit card. Which has no fees until you really screw up. And not from the same bank.

Ta!

Victories and Vicissitudes

The flowering fleas are coming out this week in their whites and pinks between snow showers. Today was not flowering and I stayed in the house all day. I am going to write a four act play which I don’t know the name of yet. It will have Alice Fallis, Doctor Boctor, the Mad Gecko and Homer Trueheart in it and it will be about the government. I think I will call it Washing Machine D&C. Tee Hee!

The masses are either furious about the new tax on cigarettes or roll your own tobacco, or gloating and going Hoo! Hoo! It isn’t going to work in the end and we have not learned from the experience of Canada, among others. That northern neighbor in the early 90’s upped their federal tobacco tax over 50% and revenues began to decline because everybody began buying cigarettes off the back of trucks or otherwise on the black market. Five years later the Canadians lowered the tax 50%, legitimate smoking business became more healthy and revenues got healthy too. What will happen here when this Golden Egg is laid and after a brief rise in revenues and a minimal amount of people who quit smoking:

1. Tobacco companies will still make their money.
2. Smokers will continue to find money to smoke.
3. A tobacco black market will develop sucking revenues and causing a crime problem.

In the meantime smokers will be highly inconvenienced but not stopped. So much for the Great American Smokeout.

The doctor has given me some little pink pills for depression. Now that I have them I will be able to diet and lose weight, exercise, sing better, decline my cigarettes (decline…?) and brotherhood will burst out all over the world. This will be my cure for depression. Which we hope will work.

It was a fine week for groceries as I mostly needed red meat and coffee. The fine superstore I went to had specials and reductions on several coffees as well as whole pork loin and other bloody specimens. I have saved maximal hero money so that I can order pipes from Germany and China.



If you’ve lost face in the ‘hood or you think the President is going to ban guns, it’s ok to shoot somebody? In the past couple weeks we have had Alabama, California police x 2, a nursing home in North Carolina, Binghampton, New York and police officers in Pittsburgh. And all the kids in one family in Washington state. Because Mom was leaving Dad for another man. What is this stuff about multiple homicides? It is not nice and ‘multiple homicides’ is just a sad phrase for – a bunch of innocent people who were walking around a couple minutes ago are now dead with bloody holes, and their wives and husbands and kids and mothers and fathers are going to be missing them. There are banner headlines flying: “Are we becoming inured to mass killings?” Not me, it’s disgusting, wasteful and a tragedy. I think that Columbine, the original shocker, taught us that it could be done and all you have to do is pick an excuse and be willing to take the consequences. Maybe some of those idiots and crazies need some of those pink pills of mine. Ta!

Two Deep Breaths….

Better thank you! Things seem to be looking up. Or maybe my endorphins are working overtime. Yesterday and today have shaped up well; out both days, great meals, visits with good friends; cool evenings with a stack of library books to keep me company. Hell, everybody in the world seems to be depressed! Makes me feel better. Now that I am talking to people about it, I find that even family members go through this and it’s only a surprise because we haven’t talked about it before. Hope springs retro!

I got two lovely tobacco pipes from China in the mail yesterday. They are rosewood and short and chunky, the transaction (via eBay) was quick and shipping from Wuhan (Sister City to Yo-han) was fast. They cost me about $12 each including shipping. Once I got them in the house and inspected them I found that the tobacco chamber and air passages were drilled with sledge hammers in a tank factory that was having a slow day. I suspect it was an Indian tank factory and that the seller in China bought a giant lot from Ali Baba, probably the biggest Asian wholesale exporter.





I have redrilled them, tobacco chambers and air passages, and also sanded the inside of the tobacco chamber which was coated with lacquer. This is more of a health hazard than having large amounts of lead in your baby crib. Since I have the skills it didn’t take too long and was therapeutic because I like that kind of work. Also for $12 a person won’t find any very good pipe from any maker. So it was a bargain in the end and I may well buy another one someday just for the hell of it.

From the library I have gotten four CD’s of Techno-ethnic music which I have no idea what I am in for, but if any of them turn out great, I may put one here for you to listen to. Ta!

DUMPSTER

It’s the day after the night before and the sun is almost blazing. 70 outside and inviting enough to try to jump in a swimming pool. They are all concrete this early however. I have opened up the front and back windows in the house and fresh air is flowing though like water transiting Grand Coulee.



As I age gracefully I find that I have depression. I’ve known it for three or four years. Especially during the winter. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I picture it and describe it to others as: a gray day in winter, feel like crying, no energy, would rather spend the day in bed. And I take a little 20mg pill of something to make it go away. I am now finding out, the past two years, that it’s getting more pervasive the older I get and wears a lot more than that gray winter face. I’ve been bedeviled by trying to discipline myself to control anger, overeating, low energy. And I’d figured out that I’ve had a lamentable lack of self discipline in those areas. Until two weeks ago when a good friend who deals with depression on an almost daily basis told me to flip it around and think outside the box. That possibly depression has crept into the neurons and brain cells like groundwater seeping through limestone strata. That maybe the cause ultimately is depression and not lack of discipline. I am discovering that when I am ‘down’ or at least not centered, I like to eat more because it feels good; I am often angry mostly at things that don’t usually even make me turn a hair, and that if I smoked less I would have more energy. Now that I am thinking in a new way, so much seems to make sense. I have been talking to people with depression, those who are actively trying to do something about it, and I’m finding that it has many different faces than the classic one I was familiar with. I am finding out that I have much to learn and that life may be better for that.

I have a plan: Talk to the Doctor about increasing the little pills or another medication; keep talking to people who are actively working to keep their equilibrium with depression; start attending a discussion group locally for people with depression, I may well learn many things; Don’t make consequential decisions or think heavily on the nature of things when I am ‘down.’ That way leads to train wrecks.

So, today is nice. I feel really good. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I will do the stuff and see what happens. Ta!

COOKING WITH XAK

Here are a couple recipes that worked for me. I need to write about depression in here. But tonight is not the night because I am somewhere between medium and rare. Hence, free cooking advice:




Mild Pork Sausage.

Find 4 pounds of fairly lean fresh ground pork. Get it at a meat market, not a supermarket. Safer and fresher.

In a large mixing bowl combine ¼ tsp salt; ¼ tsp. black pepper; ½ tsp paprika; 1 egg; a good handful of capers; 3 or 4 tbsp. caper juice or 2 tbsp. vinegar; ½ tsp sugar or brown sugar. Squish everything well until the meat and the other ingredients are well combined. Package in 1 pound packages, leave in the refrigerator for a day or two for the flavors to mingle, then freeze. If you want to make it hotter or spicier, you know what to do. Always cook pork thoroughly!
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Slaw Dressing

Where I grew up, it’s called Slaw. Cole was an itinerant preacher who rapidly disappeared from sight.

Take ½ cup Mayo and combine with about 1/8 cup milk, a tsp. sugar, black pepper to taste. Mix well and combine with one head cabbage shredded finely, onions shredded finely, handful of chunks of bell pepper. Maybe a little Parmesan cheese if you’re so inclined. Mix the slaw and the dressing. If it’s not gloopy enough make more dressing. The longer it sits the better it is.

Ta!

A NEW BABY IN THE HOUSE

Not in my house, thank you! The Mother of my two godsons has had another. She is happy and squishy around the middle and I hug her gently. The kid’s pretty small, not bigger than a breadbox. His Dad suggested a couple names during Mom’s pregnancy that were so off-the-wall that she banished him to Iraq with the Air Force. The new kid’s name is Ethan Adam but it reminds me of furniture so I call him Adam Ant.

I got a picture of him hand delivered before he was born, one of those (watchu callit…) ergonomic ultra-something. I can never see baby in those damn things, just a lot of light and dark spots. I call it Storm Over the Atlantic and it is here for you to see.



I also got a picture of him after the fact (of his birth) looking like a little satisfied Winston Churchill and you can look at this one too.



I went to a Baby Party last weekend at this pizza place where everybody brought presents and themselves and sat crowded at tables that were too small for all of them. They passed the kid around and everybody to hold and they did. So did I. Told him “You’re going to be seeing more of me…” and he went “Goo-goo…” I hear that the second child in the house carefully places all his stand-up combat figures on the kid when he’s asleep. This is not jealousy, it is a desire to grow up and fight with people daily. One of these days soon I will go goo-goo the kid and goo-goo his Mom....




.....who is one of the great beauties of my existence. See if I don’t! Ta!